


Right Here

by Fairheads



Category: Casualty (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:08:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29879532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fairheads/pseuds/Fairheads
Summary: Duffy has a health scare. Will she find the words to tell Charlie?
Relationships: Lisa "Duffy" Duffin/Charlie Fairhead
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

Charlie woke first, glancing over at sleeping Duffy. She looked so beautiful and so peaceful, he kept still so as not to wake her. The sunshine was now streaming through the curtains. Noticing the time on the clock radio, he realised that it was time they got up- they were both on an early shift today. It wasn't all bad though-Charlie was looking forward to having a bit of time with Duffy that evening- recently his new position had meant more and more time at work and less time with his lovely wife.

He was reluctant to wake her but he also knew that she liked to have enough time to shower and get ready for work. Carefully, he reached forward and brushed her nearest arm with his fingers; he was always taken aback by how smooth and soft her skin felt beneath his finger tips. Duffy began to stir and mumbled something incomprehensible.

"Hello love, it's time to get up."

Charlie continued his attempt to wake her up by using his fingers to brush her hair backwards away from her face. Her eyes flickered open at last. She smiled at him; it never got old, waking up next to someone she had loved for such a long time- her best friend, her soul mate.

"Morning you, did you sleep okay?" She whispered, moving her hand to cup his cheek.

"I did but now I must unfortunately get up and make us both some breakfast." Charlie turned to go but she pulled him back.

"Don't go! I mean, can't we just stay in bed all day?" She teased whilst pulling him closer to kiss him seductively. Charlie's pulse was racing.

"Oh I wish! But save that thought for tonight Mrs Fairhead." He winked and kissed her back passionately. It was a battle but Charlie finally left to make breakfast and Duffy went to shower.

It was towards the end of her shower, when Duffy bent down to get some more shower gel. She absentmindedly lathered up and was soaping herself- across her shoulders, under her arm pits and around her breasts. Suddenly she woke from her daydreams. She had felt something unusual. A lump on the side of her right breast. It can't be, she rationalised. Pushing the thought from her head, she quickly rinsed the soap off and reached for a towel. Wrapping herself up in it, she headed into the bedroom, her heart pounding.

Sitting in front of her dressing table mirror, Duffy tried to figure out if the lump she had discovered, was in fact a figment of her imagination. Letting the towel fall to her lap, she expertly palpated both breasts until she once again got to her right arm pit. Her heart sank. There it was. Closing her eyes, she inhaled sharply as she confirmed that she had been correct and there was indeed a lump on the side of her breast which extended towards her arm pit. Not a particularly big one but it was there all the same. 'Shit!' She thought, her mind racing. How long had it been there? When was the last time she properly checked? Why had Charlie not noticed?

Before she had time to collect herself, her thoughts were interrupted by Charlie himself, who pushed the door open with one, slippered foot, whilst precariously carrying a tray with their morning tea and toast.

"I'm back!" He announced.

This was their routine, one that she usually loved so much. Hurriedly she pulled the towel back around her, annoyed to be 'on show', a reaction that surprised him. She wasn't normally embarrassed about him seeing her naked- he had done many times before, there was nothing he hadn't seen. She has been fine about it before he has gone to make breakfast. Charlie tried to lighten the mood.

"You don't need to do that on my behalf!" He teased, winking at her and putting the tray down on the bedside table. Duffy's cheeks flushed red, normally she loved how Charlie flirted with her- in fact it excited her. That was the great thing about their relationship, they had fun, the sex was great and he made her feel like a teenager again. But not now... he noticed she looked uncomfortable.

"Hey Duf, sorry, it's just you look so beautiful," Charlie said before passing her the cup of tea and giving her a peck on the cheek. He was still puzzled by her reaction but was trying to make amends. Duffy swallowed hard, surprised to feel tears springing in her eyes. Charlie, the man who loved her so deeply and knew absolutely everything about her was being so lovely; yet she was unable to find the words. She wasn't sure she was ready to verbalise her news out loud.

"I... no, I'm sorry, I was just distracted, daydreaming." She stumbled over her words, trying to cover up for her behaviour. Charlie looked into her piercing green eyes, searching for a clue about what was bothering her. As if she had read his mind, she responded,

"I'm still a bit tired, it's been back to back shifts this week." A probable excuse. He smiled weakly at her, still not entirely convinced but he moved from the bed to stand behind her, enveloping her small shoulders with his strong arms. She rested her head on his left, muscular arm and closed her eyes, he always made her feel so safe and so loved. Charlie bent down and kissed her neck tenderly and repeatedly. She relaxed into the moment, forgetting everything briefly. Charlie drew back, perhaps she was just exhausted after all.

"That's okay my love... after we clock off tonight, how about I cook some dinner and you can just relax- bubble bath? Sofa? Cuddles?"

God, he knew her so well, there wasn't anything she wanted more. Duffy kept the towel tightly wrapped around her body clutching the edges with her right hand, fearful that it might somehow reveal her secret. Turning her head around and leaning up she kissed Charlie on the lips, trying to reassure him.

"Sounds perfect. I do love you Charlie Fairhead."

"And I love you too." Charlie responded before moving towards the wardrobe, his concern seemingly dissipated. Duffy silently breathed a sigh of relief, she needed more time.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been another long shift, Duffy had been in resus for most of it- rushed off her feet. A huge RTC had come in with multiple casualties and the whole team had been stretched. Inserting canulas, reading stats, trying to make patients comfortable, she had barely seen Charlie all shift. Thankfully Duffy hadn't had time to think about the lump either... that was one good thing about the job sometimes- it was so distracting.

Walking along the corridor whilst rubbing her tired neck, Duffy glanced into Charlie's office. She smiled to herself, she loved that man so much that her heart jumped when she saw him. Charlie's head was resting on his hand as he battled through some tedious paperwork. Knocking the door lightly, she pushed it open slowly.

"Come in!" Charlie announced, not realising at first that it was his wife entering the room. Looking up over his glasses at the interruption, his face instantly lifted.

"Hey you!" he smiled, pleased to see her.

"How are things out there now?" He asked, having been called into resus to support about an hour before but leaving when he wasn't required anymore.

"Calmer, they've all gone up to ITU now. Hopefully they will pull through. Awful accident, that poor family." Duffy explained, rubbing her eyes and temples. He didn't need to question her, he knew it had been a rough day and she was clearly exhausted.

"Nearly home time now, love." He spoke softly, she smiled at him and nodded.

"Shall I meet you out the front in 20 minutes? Take you home?" Charlie suggested.

"Sounds good. Can you give me 30 though Charlie? I just have something I need to do."

"Sure!" He confirmed. "I'll see you in a bit." He smiled at her, before looking down at his paperwork again, determined to get a bit more done before going home.

"In a bit." Duffy replied, shutting the door quietly behind her.

She walked over to the central desk, biting her lip anxiously, hoping to find one of the doctors. She had meant to phone her GP about the lump but the shift had been so busy she had run out of time. Before she could go home, she just wanted a second opinion on what she had found. Spotting Alicia, she walked over.

"Alicia, could I ask you to do me a favour... as a doctor?" Duffy was hesitant and uncertain and Alicia could read that immediately.

"Sure, what I can do?" She smiled at her colleague, putting some discharge files down and turning to face her. Duffy lowered her voice,

"I think... I think I have a lump and I just wanted someone to check that I'm not overthinking it." Alicia noticed how concerned Duffy looked and was happy to help her.

"Of course, I'll take a look. Let's go to cubicle four." Alicia knew she wouldn't be able to diagnose anything there and then, but she could at least refer Duffy to a consultant if necessary.

Pulling the blue curtain across, Alicia tried to make Duffy feel more comfortable by turning the other way when she was removing her top. Duffy's hands were trembling as she tried to undo her bra, not only scared about the potential confirmation but embarrassed to now be topless in front of her younger colleague.

"It's just here, I don't know, maybe I'm over thinking. I just... I swear it's new and well, it feels like a lump to me." Duffy stumbled over her words nervously as Alicia turned around to examine her breasts thoroughly.

"It's okay Duffy, you've done the right thing. Sorry if my hands are cold." Alicia apologised and tried to reassure her, before she began the exam. It didn't take too long before Alicia told Duffy she could put her clothes back on.

Sitting down next to her on the bed, Alicia turned to Duffy to give her medical opinion.

"I'm sorry Duffy, you definitely have a lump there on the right. It might not be anything to worry about- there are many possible explanations but I definitely want to refer you to the breast clinic for a mammogram. They might want to do a core biopsy while you are there too. I'll get right on it."

Duffy inhaled deeply and nodded.

"Okay... so I was right, thanks Alicia, I really appreciate it." Duffy surprised herself by how calm she felt now she had told someone else.

"No worries at all and let me know how you get on. I'm here anytime." Alicia explained, reaching for her hand and smiling weakly at her. Duffy appreciated the support and thanked her again.

Charlie's office was empty as she walked past it to get her belongings from her locker, he must be already outside waiting, she thought. Grabbing her stuff quickly, she left the ED and found Charlie sitting patiently on a bench outside.

"Sorry I'm late love. What a day!" Duffy apologised, still tucking the scarf around her neck and buttoning up her coat.

"No problems lovely. Are you good to go home?" Charlie asked, standing up from the bench he was perched on.

"Oh yes! There is literally no where else I want to be right now." Duffy confirmed.

Charlie leaned forward and kissed her forehead, as she was still struggling dressing herself. .

"Then home is where we shall go, my love."

He took his gloved hand in hers and they started to walk together across the car park.


	3. Chapter 3

When they got home, Charlie busied himself preparing dinner (spaghetti bolognese), while Duffy sat at the table nursing her cup of tea. They were having a debrief about the day, talking through what had happened with the victims of the RTC. Although they tried hard to leave 'work at work', sometimes after a tough day, discussing it helped them to process what had happened and move forward. It was necessary to deal with the harrowing cases and loss that they experienced during every shift.

After a while, the discussion came to an end and it went quiet, a comfortable silence. Charlie turned to notice Duffy was leaning her head on her hand, staring into space. He smiled to himself, she was such a deep thinker- and a beautiful one at that. Duffy returned from her thoughts and realised Charlie was staring at her inquisitively, spoon in hand, she blushed instantly and smiled back at him tiredly.

"Why don't you go take a bath love? This will be another half an hour at least." Charlie suggested.

"Would that be okay? Do you need a hand with anything?" She enquired, realising she was doing very little to help with dinner.

"I think i've got this. Of course it's okay, go relax!" He encouraged her. Duffy stood up and walked over to where Charlie was standing by the hob, he looked so cute with his cooking apron on, stirring the saucepan.

"You are a lovely, lovely man. I don't know what I did to deserve you." She thanked him and gave him a peck on the cheek. He grinned, it gave him great pleasure to care for her.

"Or me!" Charlie joked.

"Hey!" Duffy feigned upset and pretended to punch him on the arm, before giggling and kissing him again.

After her bath, she returned to the kitchen wearing her silk cami nightie, loosely covered by her dressing gown. Charlie heard the door open and turned. How did she always look so beautiful? Even in her dressing gown!? He smiled broadly at her before turning to stir the pasta once more.

"How's it going?" Duffy asked, walking over to hug him from behind. As her arms circled his body, her hands rested on his stomach; she leant her cheek on his back, breathing in his familiar scent.

"We're almost done." He confirmed, putting the spoon down and turning around in her arms, reciprocating the hug.

"It smells amazing." She complimented.

"So do you!" He laughed as he kissed the top of her head. Duffy gazed up at him and smiled. Charlie broke away first and began ladling the pasta and sauce into two bowls as Duffy went to sit at the table. She smiled when she saw that he had already set the table and lit the candle that sat in the middle- he really had thought of everything.

Following dinner, they moved to the living room. Charlie sat at the end of the blue sofa and Duffy lay down next to him, her legs curled up and her head on his chest. Duffy knew she had to tell Charlie about the lump but everything seemed so perfect tonight and she didn't want to spoil it. She kept plucking up the courage to tell him but then stopping herself.

Watching the TV, Charlie wrapped his arms around Duffy. She had pushed up the sleeves of the dressing gown up and his fingers were now lightly stroking her bare arms. The lightest touch but undeniably sensual. How did he do that? She looked up at him and they kissed.

"What was that for?" Charlie asked.

"Does there need to be a reason Mr Fairhead?" She teased.

"Oh no! No reason needed!" He laughed, before kissing her again.

They sat watching an action film that happened to be on one of the channels. Charlie's fingers were beginning to wander- from her arms to her stomach, tiny, light tickles that really turned her on. The dressing gown had long since fallen away, leaving just the silk nighty covering her skin- it felt so soft under his finger tips. In return, she had been running her fingers slowly over his chest and up his sides. Their kisses were becoming more frequent and passionate.

It was when his fingers began to move upwards towards her breast that she suddenly panicked. He was surely going to notice the lump and then he wouldn't want to do anything anyway and she should have told him already and and... She leapt up and away from him. Charlie was completely confused.

"Duffy?" He questioned, what was going on?

"I'm sorry, I can't" She dismisses with a slight tremble in her voice. She stood up, facing away from him. Charlie reached for her hand as she was about to move.

"Duffy? Wait!" He asked her but she pulled away and left the room. Charlie had no idea what was bothering her but was surprised by her sudden reaction. They were always so open with each other, they spoke about everything. This was so unusual.

He gave her a few minutes alone before he headed to find her. She was upstairs sitting at the edge of their bed. Charlie knocked lightly and entered the room. His heart was pounding, what was wrong? Had he unwittingly upset her? Was there someone else? This was all so out of character. He inched closer to where she was sitting, Duffy avoided his gaze.

"Can I sit down?" He asked hesitantly and she nodded without looking up. Sitting next to her but feeling an ocean apart, he gently asked:

"What's wrong love? Did I do something wrong?" His words pierced straight through her heart. No, that was not it at all! Was that what he thought? No, no, no! She would be lost without him, she hated to think that is how she had made him feel. Duffy's eyes filled with more tears, she struggled to speak and just shook her head.

"You know you can tell me anything. I love you Duffy." Charlie kept his voice calm and reached for her hands, he loved her more than anything.

Her heart was breaking, she hadn't meant to upset him, he above all else was her best friend. Their hands entwined.

"I... I'm so sorry Charlie." Her eyes were rapidly filling with tears again.

"Please talk to me darling." He urged, desperate to get to the bottom of whatever it was.

"I... I..." she couldn't start the sentence, the gravity of the potential situation immense.

"Hey!" He whispered gently understanding how difficult she was finding whatever this was. He moved to kneel down in front of her. Duffy's head was in her hands.

"Look at me Duffy." Charlie took her hands in his once again. She looked at him, her watery eyes distorting his face. Another tear drop escaped, cascading down her pink cheek.

"You take your time love, I'm right here." And he meant it. Charlie just knew what to say, how to make her feel safe enough to confide in him. He always had. He pulled her towards him. She fitted perfectly into the gap right below his chin. Charlie could feel his shirt becoming wet with her tears. He was worried but knew he mustn't push her for fear of her withdrawing when she needed him the most.

Duffy pulled away, looking straight at him. He had given her the strength to finally speak. His worried forehead and scared eyes staring back at her, encouraging her on.

"Charlie... I... I've found... a lump. In my breast." Finally it was out. She collapsed into heart- breaking sobs.

"And I don't know... " Trying to speak was almost impossible now.

"I'm scared." She looked straight into his eyes, past the tears and instantly knew he would look after her.

"I'm here, I'm right here darling." He pulled her into his chest tight. His eyes also filling with tears. He had so many questions but in this moment he knew that all he should do was hold her tight.


	4. Chapter 4

A few hours had passed and darkness had now descended the bedroom. Charlie was lying on his back (still fully clothed) with Duffy snuggled up next to him, her head and left arm resting on his chest. His two arms were still wrapped around her small frame, he hadn't let go since he'd told her that he was 'right here.' There had been few words spoken, just tears and an absolute need for them to be close.

After the initial sobs had subsided, Duffy had fallen asleep, which was probably the best thing for her at the moment. Charlie however, was left wide awake, he had so many things to ask her- when did she find the lump? Had she told anyone? Seen a doctor? And yet as always, Charlie had put her needs first... his questions could wait, right now she just needed to know he was there. It was hard now he was lying in the dark though, with just his thoughts, listening to her breathing now peacefully. After more than 30 years of being really 'more than friends', they had finally found each other. It had taken so much to get to this point- failed marriages, children, trauma, confusion but through it all they had each other and this would be no different. Their wedding vows flashed into his head: 'To have and to hold from this day forward'. Tears sprung in his eyes, it had been such a happy day- he felt scared, he couldn't lose her, not now, not after all this time. 'But no sickness because we're nurses' seemed to now be wishful thinking and he was terrified. He tried to think rationally, they surely had to wait and see, he didn't think that they knew what they were dealing with yet. Charlie had to remain strong for her he knew that much.

Trying not to wake her, he moved from under her to remove his shoes, socks, shirt, belt and trousers. Then he grabbed the duvet to cover them- the room had become much cooler and they both had goosebumps. Although she didn't properly wake, when Charlie lay back down, she nuzzled into his bare chest and seemed to reach for his hand in her sleep. Even in slumber, he was all that she wanted, all that she needed. Charlie held her hand and stroked her hair. Reaching down, he kissed her forehead goodnight, before finally falling to sleep himself.

The emotional exhaustion of both the long and tiring shifts that week and the news of the lump meant that they both slept in longer than normal. A luxury of them both having the day off. Charlie woke first with his arms still wrapped around a sleeping Duffy. His fingers began to absentmindedly move across her back, tracing tiny non- existent patterns. It wasn't too long before she opened her eyes and he noticed her stirring.

"Morning you," Charlie said softly, hugging her shoulders tightly.

"Morning," she whispered, reaching up to caress his chin.

"Thank you," she added, thinking about how understanding he'd been the night before.

"What for?" He asked, genuinely oblivious to anything he'd done that was worthy of praise.

"For being there, for listening, for being you." She listed her reasons and reminded herself how lucky she was to have him.

"I'm always here for you love, I love you." And he meant every word.

That morning, they showered together. The heightened emotions of the night before had created a need to be close on every level. What began as gentle kissing soon became passionate, as their tongues met and hands explored each other as if for the first time. Charlie purposefully avoided her breasts but without her really noticing- she was too caught up in the moment. There was an urgency between them like never before, they were hungry for each other. Perhaps understanding that they might not always have each other intensified their passion. Duffy briefly broke away, gasping for breath, her heart pounding. She wanted him so badly but not here.

"Let's take this in there," she pointed to the bedroom, kissing him in between each word. Turning off the shower, Duffy grabbed towels from the rail quickly. Leading Charlie by hand, they got straight under the covers. Kissing quickly resumed and Duffy groaned, desperate for more. Hands searching, lips meeting and an urgent desire to be one. They made love passionately and furiously, climaxing at almost the same time. Afterwards, they lay in each other's arms as their pulses and breathing returned to normal. Not thinking about anything other than that moment.

"Wow!" Chuckled Charlie overcome by what had just happened. "That was amazing!" He laughed in utter disbelief. Duffy giggled, they were very compatible in the bedroom but she was glad he had enjoyed it as much as she had.

"You're a naughty, naughty man," she teased, blaming it all on him whilst pointing her index finger at his chest.

"And you're my naughty woman," he winked, enveloping her in another hug. They lay in each other's arms quietly. Before long, Duffy's thoughts about the lump were creeping back into her head.

"Charlie?" She asked, leaning up to look at him.

"Hmm?" He replied, eyes shut sleepily from his recent endeavours.

"No matter what happens, can we still do this?" She enquired nervously, referring to to not only their sexual exploits but closeness. His eyes opened one at a time to look at her. He smiled to reassure her.

"I'm not going anywhere and for as long as you want to do 'this' (he winked), I want to do 'this' too." He kissed her neck. That was all she needed to hear, she knew that they would have a chat soon but right now she was going to let him snooze. His eyes fluttered shut again.

"I love you, Charlie Fairhead." She kissed his cheek before getting up to shower again, this time alone, and headed downstairs to prepare some breakfast.


	5. Chapter 5

Charlie found her sitting outside on the deck, her legs folded up on to the chair, her hands cupping her tea. She was enjoying the morning sunshine, her eyes loosely shut. Charlie had showered and put on a blue short- sleeved shirt and chino style shorts.

"Hey you," He said, kissing her on the head before sitting down. She smiled at him.

"You alright?" He asked concerned and she nodded.

"Just taking a moment," she replied. "It's such a lovely day!" She motioned upwards. The sky was blue, birds were soaring high above and the sunshine made everything sparkle.

"There's tea in the pot if you want? And croissants in the basket." She started to move to get them.

"Stay there love, I can get them." Charlie replied. She smiled back at him, he looked really handsome and smelt lovely.

After they had both eaten and had another cup of tea, talk turned to the inevitable 'elephant in the room'.

"I asked Alicia to take a look yesterday..." Duffy began. Charlie looked up with enquiring eyes, he hadn't realised she'd done that.

"There's definitely a lump there Charlie, she's referred me to the breast clinic for a mammogram and maybe a core biopsy too." She explained calmly. Charlie nodded, Alicia had done exactly what he would have expected.

"How long have you... when did you find the...?" Charlie stumbled over his questions.

"Yesterday, I was in the shower, I don't remember it before but I don't remember the last time I properly checked either. I'm so stupid." She berated herself, gripping her forehead and shaking her head. He disagreed and shook his head.

"You're not love, I don't think it's been there very long- you would... we (he motioned to her and then him) would have noticed." Charlie tried to reassure her.

They'd been in this position many years before, when Duffy had had an abnormal smear test result and had to go for a biopsy and then a cone biopsy. That was long before her and Charlie were together, she was 31 and was single mother to Peter then. A lifetime ago. Although worrying, fortunately the results had come back negative. Hopefully things would turn out the same this time, he thought.

Duffy was clearly struggling, she broke down.

"It's just mum." Duffy explained, her voice faltering slightly. Charlie nodded, remembering back to when Kate had been in A & E, she had been diagnosed with a large breast tumour and cerebral metastases. Following seizures, pain and a DNR, she had passed away in resus not long after in front of a distraught Duffy.

"It happened so quickly with her- there was no time and I couldn't do anything." Duffy's voice was breaking with emotion, the devastating loss of her mum still so evident and now combined with fear for her own health.

Charlie reached out for her hand and rubbed his thumb gently across the back of her hand. He remembered it well, he had been stuck between telling his best friend her mum was in the ED dying and patient confidentiality when Kate didn't want Duffy to know. Duffy was so hurt and angry about all of that, only made worse by a DNR which meant Kate wasn't resuscitated in her dying moments, weeks later. Charlie thought it would destroy their friendship but somehow it never did.

"What if I'm like her Charlie, what if I have cancer too?" She looked at him, he had tears in his eyes now too.

"I don't want to die." She sobbed, covering her face with her hands. Charlie didn't know what to do, it was something he couldn't even think about, he rubbed his neck anxiously.

"Duffy love, you're not going to. We don't know what we're dealing with yet." He knew as a medic that he'd said the wrong thing, there were no promises but he wanted so much to believe it and he wanted her to believe it too.

"How can you say that?" She snapped back at him, his attempt at comfort had obviously hit a nerve and her anger was with the situation rather than at him. Although you wouldn't have guessed it.

"You know the stats- 50-80% chance if I have the BRCA gene. That seems quite likely to me." She fired at him, frustrated that he didn't seem to understand the gravity of the situation. She slammed her cup down on the table and pushed her chair back, ready to leave.

"Duffy! Please... Please don't go. Let's talk about this." He pleaded but it was too late, she stomped off back into the house. For a couple that never really argued, this was now two arguments in two days, the stress of the situation affecting her patience.

"Duffy!" But she'd already gone. "I'm sorry..." he continued even though she wouldn't have heard. Charlie sat where he was on the deck, wondering whether to go after her or not. He decided not to for now, they both needed some time. Charlie just wanted to be there for her, to support her, look after her- whatever happened. He was worried that she wouldn't be able to let him in to do that. He tried to understand what she was thinking but her behaviour was so unlike the Duffy that he knew so well. Charlie was at a loss as to what to do.


	6. Chapter 6

Duffy had been lying on their bed for a few hours now, hugging a pillow and staring into space. There were no more tears left to cry, she just felt numb. How could Charlie be so sure that everything would be okay? Why was he dismissing her fears? Why was she getting so frustrated with him? It was so unlike her, she was known to be always patient and caring- it was like she was a different person. Maybe this was cancer and it was affecting her personality already? She thought the worst- she was so scared. One thing she did know was that she needed Charlie right now, more than ever, and she would need to make it up to him some how, after her out burst earlier.

Walking downstairs slowly, one step at a time, she quietly pushed open the kitchen door. Through the open door, Duffy could see Charlie still sitting on the deck, their black and white dog Monty curled up at his feet. She was pleased to see at least Monty was looking after him because she didn't feel like she was doing a great job. Standing still, she looked at his back- that body she knew so well, those arms that loved and protected her every day. She loved him more than she ever thought possible.

She approached him slowly, wringing her hands awkwardly, not really sure what to say or do. Charlie heard her footsteps as she came closer but he didn't turn around. He too didn't know what to do or say any more than her. Before she knew it, she was standing behind him and had wrapped her arms around his neck, her head leaning into his neck- second nature.. Fortunately, he didn't push her away as she expected, instead he placed his hands onto arms, stroking them with his fingers.

"I'm so sorry," Duffy whispered, resting her head on his right shoulder.

"I'm sorry too, love," Charlie replied, turning to kiss her head and interlocking his fingers with hers. He was desperate for her not to walk away again and had been thinking about what he could do to help for the last few hours.

"I'm scared too, I don't want to lose you." He added honestly, tears in his eyes.

"I know love, I'm sorry for being so sensitive. I don't know what's wrong with me today." She pulled away, looking worried- her eyes mirroring his with tears. Charlie reached for her hands and this time she didn't run away, she held on to them tight. He gently pulled her closer and helped her to sit on his lap.

"There's nothing wrong with you love, you're just scared and that's okay. But I'm right here, I might not know what to say or do to help but I'm not going anywhere." His words made her tears fall, how could he be so lovely when she'd stomped off earlier? Duffy nodded, unable to speak.

"Just promise me one thing Duf," Charlie added. Duffy looked up at him through her red eyes, waiting to hear what he was going to say.

"Please don't shut me out. I love you but you have to talk to me, yell at me, whatever but please don't shut me out. Don't walk away. I love you and together... (his voice faltered) we are really something special, you know. I want to be by your side. Always." She repeatedly nodded at him, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"I want you to be there, I can't do this... I can't do this, without you, I need you Charlie. I'm sorry." She sobbed, her entire body shaking.

"Hey, it's okay, I've got you... I've got you Duffy." He held her, hugging her tightly.

When the tears had passed. She turned to him,

"Please will you come with me to the clinic next week?" She asked.

"Of course love." Charlie confirmed, he meant it- he was going to be right with her every step of the way.


	7. Chapter 7

The day of the appointment had arrived. Duffy was feeling strangely calm, resigned to the fact that she had no choice and she had to just go with it. Charlie however was not, nervous didn't even cut it. They had worked the morning shift together which was thankfully quiet and then Connie had kindly let them have the afternoon off for the appointment.

Sitting in the breast clinic waiting area, an alarm alerted Duffy and Charlie to the red bulletin board: 'Lisa Fairhead, consultation room 2' it read. Duffy struggled to gather up her bag and coat and stood up, dropping her scarf on the floor. Charlie reached for the scarf, he could tell how nervous she was,

"Do you want me to come in with you?" He asked, looking at her and trying to read her expression. Duffy nodded gratefully and he took her hand in his. Together, they walked along the corridor to room 2.

Opening the door to the room, the doctor greeted them.

"Hi there, you must be Lisa, please come in." The doctor smiled, shaking her hand, she looked kind and instantly put Duffy at ease. It felt very strange to be on the other side of things. Apart from having her boys, Duffy had barely been to the doctors. Charlie squeezed her hand one last time and they moved apart to sit in separate seats.

"And you... must be Mr Fairhead?" The doctor guessed.

Duffy looked over at Charlie as he nodded. She smiled at him, he looked more nervous than her!

"Right Lisa, if it's okay- I'd like to examine your breasts first of all. Please can you pop behind that curtain and remove your top."

Duffy nodded, following the doctor's instructions. Throughout the examination, Duffy focused on counting the tiles on the wall. She knew that Charlie would be the other side of the curtain probably doing the same thing. The doctor gave little away during the examination, just the occasional nod. But Duffy avoided making eye contact- she already knew there was a lump and that this examination wouldn't be able to confirm much more than that.

"Okay, thanks Lisa. You can pop your top back on now." The doctor left Duffy to put her top back on and returned to her computer, furiously tapping her findings onto the screen. When Duffy had returned to sit down, the doctor explained:

"Lisa, you do have a lump in your right breast which does concern me. I can't say any more until we have done a mammogram and a biopsy, which I'd like to do today if that's okay."

Duffy nodded, she already knew of all this- Alicia had prepped her well.

"So if you can pop along to room 9, down the corridor, and wait on the chairs outside; a nurse will call you in for the mammogram when it's time. After that I'll see you again for the biopsy."

Duffy just nodded again, she was trying to take all of the information in. Charlie gathered her things and they stood up in unison to move along the corridor.

Sitting down outside room 9, Duffy leaned into Charlie, resting her head on his shoulder and closing her eyes momentarily.

"You alright love?" Charlie whispered, kissing her head. Duffy nodded.

"Just want this to be over." She replied quietly.

"It will be soon love, a couple of hours and you'll be done."

She nodded, before lifting her head to look at him.

"Charlie?" She asked and he looked over at her, she interlocked her fingers with his.

"Can we go for a drink tonight? Just you and me? It would be nice to have something to look forward to." She asked him. He smiled back at her,

"Of course we can love, sounds good to me!"

Charlie was surprised, he thought that Duffy would want to just relax at home but she often surprised him and certainly had an indomitable spirit.

A young nurse appeared at the door to room 9,

"Lisa Fairhead?" She announced. Duffy stood up. Charlie looked at her, trying to follow her lead.

"You stay here, I'll be okay." She reassured him. He smiled back at her and nodded.

The mammogram was fairly quick, two or three pictures were taken of each breast and the only uncomfortable bit was the squashing of the breast between the plastic plate and the shelf. Duffy spent most of the time chatting to the young nurse about how she was finding her job and how long she'd been at Holby Hospital. It took her mind off everything else.

Before she had time to sit back down, the nurse whisked her off to another room, where she was met by the original doctor. Duffy past Charlie on the way, he looked up at her, concerned. She squeezed his hand as she walked past.

"I'll be okay," she whispered. Which helped him to relax, he knew that the biopsy would be the worst bit.

"Right Lisa, we need to do a core biopsy now. I just need to talk you through the process, although I'm sure you will be aware already of some of it." The same doctor from before explained. She went through the process of taking part of the breast for analysis from a small cut on Duffy's right breast.

"Do you have any other questions?" The doctor asked. Duffy shook her head, she understood the process and just wanted it over with.

Lying on the bed, Duffy bit her lip as the doctor gave her a local anaesthetic injection. Duffy was so used to administering injections and taking blood but it didn't make it any less painful when it was her turn to have one! It only took a few moments for the area to feel numb and the doctor was ready to proceed. Duffy looked away when the doctor made the incision and inserted a needle to remove the sample. It was over fairly quickly and the doctor had applied a dressing to the wound, she told Duffy that she would need to leave the dressing on for 48 hours and that once the local had worn off, her breast might hurt or bruise but some painkillers should help. Duffy nodded,

"When will we know the results?" She asked calmly, putting her bra and top back on.

"We'll book you in for an appointment this time next week, we will know more when the lab has analysed the biopsy." The doctor explained, tapping away on her computer.

Duffy was desperate to know what the doctor thought but also knew there was no way of her knowing and she had to be patient. Thanking the doctor, she left the room and reunited with Charlie, who was still waiting down the corridor.

"All done?" He asked, standing up. Charlie could see that Duffy looked a little pale and was unsure as to whether a hug would be appreciated after minor surgery. Duffy answered his thoughts by wrapping her arms around his strong body and pulling him to her.

"Let's go." She said and he collated all of her stuff and wrapped his right arm around her, guiding her towards the doors.

Later on in the pub, they pulled up chairs at a table near the window.

"What a day!" Duffy sighed.

"How are you doing?" Charlie enquired, his eyes looking anxiously at her.

"Alright," she answered quickly before adding,

"A bit sore if I'm honest. We should know the results in a week." Charlie nodded, reaching for his pint.

Duffy reached over and put her hand on his leg tenderly,

"Thank you so much for being there Charlie, for coming with me today. It helped so much knowing you were there." She looked into his eyes and meant every word.

"There's no where else I would have been. I'm proud of you love." Charlie meant it too, he reached forward and put his hand on her cheek before kissing her softly on the lips. She pulled away,

"I love you Charlie Fairhead." Duffy told him, overcome with emotion.

"And I love you, Mrs F," he winked at her, leaning in to kiss her gently again. Before sitting back in his chair. Duffy leaned forward again,

"I'm not done yet," she whispered into his ear seductively, before kissing him again, this time more passionately.

"Hold that thought," Charlie winked at her, pulling her into his side so that he could reach down to tickle her lower back. He knew that would drive her wild.

"Drink up, Charlie boy," she laughed, all of a sudden feeling quite frisky.

"Oh, I have loads left to go yet," he teased. She rolled her eyes and giggled at him.

A few more drinks later and they had made it home, holding hands and stopping for the occasional snog on the way. Charlie unlocked the door and let Duffy step inside first. Turning around she reached for his hand and shut the door behind them. Pulling him to her, she resumed kissing him- his neck, his lips. Charlie pushed her gently up against the wall, responding to her kisses. His hand was on her thigh and moving upwards. He bent his head and began kissing her neck and collar bone. Duffy groaned, he always seemed to know exactly what to do to turn her on. He was so intuitive.

"How do you always manage to do this?" Duffy breathed.

He laughed, "I don't know what you're talking about," He feigned confusion, moving his hands further upwards. She giggled before getting lost in the moment again. Soon, they were making love passionately in the hallway... the day's events forgotten for now.


	8. Chapter 8

A week had passed and Duffy had received an appointment to see the consultant at the breast clinic for her results. Charlie was going to accompany her, after their shift today. They walked across the car park hand in hand, before separating once inside.

"Love you," Duffy said to Charlie, kissing him on the cheek.

"Love you too, see you later love," Charlie replied.

The shift was another busy one, Duffy had been helping Alicia treating a pregnant mother with what appeared to be pre-eclampsia. Once the mother had been stablised, they both took a breather in the staff room.

"Cuppa?" Duffy asked Alicia as she sighed and flopped down onto the sofa.

"Please!" Alicia replied, rubbing her eyes tiredly.

"I've been meaning to ask you Duffy, how did you get on at the clinic?" Alicia enquired. They hadn't been on a shift together for a while and it was the first opportunity they had had to speak.

"Okay, I get the results from the biopsy today actually." Duffy explained, removing the tea bags from the cups and reaching for the milk.

"How are you feeling?" Alicia asked.

"I don't know really. To be honest I've tried not to think about it. I guess a little scared?" Duffy said. Alicia smiled back at her and tried to comfort her, fully aware there was not much she could say.

"That's understandable. Whatever happens, there are so many options and we're all here to support you." Duffy's eyes teared up and Alicia was quick to notice.

"Hey, come here," Alicia moved to give Duffy a hug.

"I'm okay," replied Duffy, trying to convince herself more than anything else.

Hours had passed and Duffy went to find Charlie to go to the appointment. Knocking on the door to his office, she pushed the door and found Charlie and Connie inside. They appeared to be arguing.

"I need you here Charlie, the CQC inspector has to speak to the nurse manager. Believe me, if there was any other way... " Connie explained firmly. Charlie rubbed his neck, he looked tense and was obviously torn as to what to do.

Duffy looked at them both,

"CQC inspector? Today?" She asked, looking back at forth between them both.

"Yes, we just took the call, they're arriving in half an hour." Connie explained.

"And Charlie needs to be here?" Duffy questioned. Connie nodded.

"I know it's not ideal, if there was anything I could do I would." Connie knew about Duffy's appointment and felt awful that Charlie wouldn't be able to go with her, she had had her fair share of appointments and shocks recently and knew how tough it was going alone.

"I'm really sorry Duffy." Charlie whispered, looking up at her. Duffy felt like she'd been stabbed, she couldn't believe what she was hearing. She understood how important the inspection was but it felt like Charlie had picked work over her again. Duffy turned and walked away, shutting the door behind her calmly. She heard Charlie say,

"Duffy, wait!"

She pretended not to hear as tears sprung in her eyes but she reminded herself that she was strong and could do this alone if she had to.

Grabbing her bag and coat from her locker, she walked to the car and headed to the breast clinic alone.


	9. Chapter 9

Duffy sat in the waiting room at the breast clinic. She played with her wedding ring absentmindedly, trying not to think about the worst case scenario. During the car journey to the clinic, she had managed to pull herself together. As much as she wanted Charlie to be there, she tried to push the disappointment out of her head and focused on what she had to do to get through the appointment.

"Mrs Fairhead?" announced the doctor. Duffy looked up, gathering her things.

"Please come through," the doctor smiled. Duffy wondered if she should read anything into the smile but concluded she was just being friendly and probably trying to put her at ease.

Walking through the door to the consultation room, Duffy settled down on the brown chair that was next to the desk.

"Hi Lisa, how are you?" The doctor enquired kindly.

"Okay... I think." Duffy nodded unsure of herself, she inhaled deeply.

"Right then, so we saw you a week ago for a mammogram and we took a core biopsy from a lump in your right breast," the doctor read from the medical notes on the computer screen. Duffy nodded to confirm but she felt sick and her heart was racing. She braced herself for the worst.

"Well Duffy, I have some good news... the lump is benign, a cyst."

Duffy could feel tears in her eyes, she exhaled, unaware that she had been holding her breath for all of that time.

"Thank you so much," she thanked the doctor, as relief washed over her. A stray tear escaped and rolled down her face.

"I'm sorry," Duffy apologised, struggling to hold back the emotion and relief she felt.

"No need to apologise, it's a completely normal- here you go," the doctor passed her a box of tissues, she was obviously used to tears, whatever the medical outcome.

"Cysts are quite common, especially at your age, with hormonal fluctuations. Nothing to worry about." The physician explained. Duffy nodded again, wiping her nose.

"Thank you. The lump is still there, will you remove any more of it?" She enquired.

"Well, it's very likely to go away by itself but because of its size we can draw off the remaining fluid today, if you'd like?" The doctor explained.

"Okay, that would be great." Duffy agreed, wanting all of this to be over. .

The doctor removed the remaining fluid with a fine needle and a syringe. Duffy felt some discomfort while it was being done but comforted herself by thinking about what it could have been. When the doctor had finished the procedure, she gave Duffy some advice for after care:

"Right then, that's it done. Your breast will feel quite tender and bruised for at least a few days but the cyst should disappear now we have removed the remaining fluid. I recommend you take some paracetamol to help with the pain."

"Okay," Duffy replied, deciding to just put her clothes back on top of the dressing without her bra as it already felt sore.

"We're all done now Lisa, if you need to speak to anyone, here is a card with a phone number you can call. Take care." The doctor concluded, shaking her hand.

"Thank you again." Duffy said for a final time, tucking her bra into her handbag and reaching tentatively for her coat.

Duffy drove straight home. Their house was empty when she unlocked the door. She was upset to find that Charlie wasn't there. It hurt that he hadn't been able to attend the appointment with her but now he wasn't even at home for her when she returned from it. She felt let down by the very person who was supposed to be her rock.

Walking into the kitchen, she switched the kettle on and reached into the cupboard to retrieve two paracetamol, her breast was throbbing now and she winced as she reached her arm up. Taking her cup of tea, she grabbed her phone and moved into the lounge. Once there, she snuggled up under the blanket on their sofa and finally looked at her phone. Four missed calls from Charlie and three messages.

I'm so sorry Duffy, I tried to find you. Please answer my calls. C xx  
Her heart leapt, he must have come to find her before she had left work. She hadn't been ignoring his calls, she just hadn't checked her phone.

Duffy, please know that I love you and I care. Call me please! C xx  
She swallowed hard, it didn't really feel like that to today. Charlie loved his job, she knew that, he had always worked too hard and committed so much of his life to the ED but today, for once, she had needed him. Who knows how she would have coped if the results had been different.

I am so sorry. Are you okay? Please let me know how you got on. C xx  
Sorry didn't really feel enough, she was angry, sore and alone. She knew he was worried but he didn't seem that bothered earlier. Placing her phone down, she curled up into a ball and shut her eyes. Exhausted from the day's events, she quickly fell asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Charlie had struggled to focus during the inspection and kept checking his phone whenever he could. He knew he should be with Duffy but Connie had made it clear the nurse manager had to be present for the CQC inspection. How he could ever explain that to Duffy, he wasn't sure. Charlie felt awful, the person he loved most in the world was having to go alone to an appointment where she may receive the worst news of her life and there was he, at work. He had a lot of making up to do, if it wasn't too late!

The inspection had gone well, Charlie had given the inspector a comprehensive tour of the department, coordinated staff interviews and explained nursing protocol and procedures. Thankfully, everything had run like clockwork and Connie had been the first to congratulate him on their success. She urged him to go home and find Duffy as soon as the inspectors were out the door and he raced at the chance.

Duffy had taken the car so Connie had said she would give him a lift. Before they arrived at his house, Charlie asked her to stop at the supermarket. He didn't know what to get, what do you buy someone you love, who may have received the worst news, and currently hates you? Nothing seemed to cut it. Settling on some roses, Duffy's favourite, he paid and Connie drove to his house in silence. Pulling up outside, Connie apologised,

"I'm really sorry about how today turned out Charlie, if there had been any other way... (she stopped) I really hope she's okay..."

"Me too, me too," Charlie agreed, he had no other words. Leaving the car, he shut the door, waved to Connie and jogged up the steps. Reaching for his key, he opened the door and took his shoes off. Noticing her handbag with the bra protruding from it, in the hallway- it confused him.

Walking into the lounge, he found Duffy asleep on the sofa, she was curled up into a tight ball, beautiful as ever but she looked pained and she had obviously been crying. Charlie felt horrendous. Her phone was on the floor- so she must have seen his messages, he thought. Which meant she must be one of two things, too upset or too angry with him to respond, neither was great news.

Charlie crouched down next to her,

"Hi love," he whispered, moving some loose strands of her hair off her face. She began to stir. For a moment, she had forgotten how upset and hurt she was and was just pleased he was there. It didn't last long. Duffy sat up, rubbing her eyes.

"I got you some flowers. I'm so sorry Duffy." Charlie explained, passing her the roses.

She looked up at him. Roses. Was that supposed to make everything better? The fact he chose work over her. The fact he wasn't there when he had promised he would be. The fact that she had been scared and alone, when she needed him.

"Is that supposed to make everything better? I don't want your roses!" Duffy snapped at him, grabbing them and hurling them across the room. The flowers landed in a heap, petals and flower heads detaching themselves as they fell. Charlie took a step back, he knew she would be angry but hadn't anticipated that reaction.

"I know they don't fix anything Duffy but I wanted you to know that I'm sorry and if there was anything I could have done, I would have." Charlie tried to explain.

"You could have chosen me but you chose work- just like you always do. You knew how scared I was. You knew and you still chose work." She snarled angrily. Duffy was getting redder and redder as she spoke.

"I had no choice. You know that we've been waiting for that inspection and how much work has gone into preparing for it."

"There were other people that could have stepped up for you, stepped up for your stupid inspection but you didn't even try. You chose it over me. How do you think that made me feel?" Tears had started to form in Duffy's eyes.

"I'm sorry Duffy, I really am. I couldn't see an alternative." Charlie replied.

"You didn't try. Do you know how it made me feel? Alone. I needed some support and instead I felt completely alone. You're supposed to be my husband, my best friend, but I was all on my own. Do you even care?" She cried, tears now streaming down her face.

Charlie sat down next to her,

"Of course I care love. I've been thinking about you all day. I tried to call, message. I wanted to be there." His voice wobbled, how could he convince her. He tried to reach for her hand but she pulled away.

"I don't think I can do this anymore Charlie." Duffy stated, wiping her eyes.

"What do you mean?" Charlie panicked, his eyes darting back and forth.

"I barely see you, you're working so many hours, work is your number one priority. When will I be a priority? When will it be our turn?" Duffy questioned, her voice faltering again. It hurt Charlie to see her so upset.

"I'll make some changes, I'll change my hours, make time for us. I'll make things right, you have to believe me Duffy." Charlie was scared, he needed her to give him a second chance. His eyes filled with tears. Looking up at him, Duffy could see that he really meant it, she cupped his cheek with her palm and wiped a tear with her thumb. Reaching for her with open arms, he embraced her tightly. Duffy gasped,

"Ouch! Not so tight," she whispered.

Charlie released her but kept hold of her hands.

"Are you okay? What hurts? What did the consultant say?" He asked and she nodded.

"It's okay... I'm okay... it's a cyst. She's drained it." Duffy explained through her tears.

"Oh! Thank God!" Charlie expressed his relief before enveloping her in another hug, this time less tightly. Duffy still winced, Charlie moved back again.

"I'm sorry, i'm just so glad you're okay. Does it hurt a lot?"

Duffy nodded,

"It's really bruised, I've taken some paracetamol but its going to take a few days I think."

"Oh love,"

Charlie pulled her left side towards him, she rested her head on his chest, exhausted.

"I was so scared today Charlie." Duffy whispered.

"I know love, I'm really sorry I wasn't there for you. I made the wrong choice." Charlie apologised again.

"How did the inspection go?" She asked quietly.

"Really well. They'll be off our backs now for a bit." Charlie explained.

"Well done you," Duffy said, kissing him on the cheek.

"I realised something today though Duffy, you are so much more important to me than work. I couldn't stop thinking about you." Charlie announced.

Duffy kissed him again, she was still cross but she loved him and would try to forgive him. Charlie's hand reached around her neck, his fingers gently combing her hair as their kiss continued. Duffy mirrored his actions. Their kisses grew deeper as the sense of potential loss had caught up with them. Pulling away in between kisses, Charlie gasped,

"I love you Mrs Fairhead."

Duffy looked right into his eyes, she believed him, she believed that he would try.

"I love you too Charlie boy," she whispered back, putting her hand on his heart.

They continued to kiss and as things became more passionate, Charlie began kissing the soft spot on her neck. She let out a quiet moan and he moved lower to her collar bone. Duffy reached for his chin, pulling his lips up to hers.

"I'm sorry, I want this so much but it just really hurts," Duffy explained, the pain of the procedure ruining the moment. Tears sprung once again in her eyes.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm happy to wait until you're ready." Charlie comforted her.

"Thank you," Duffy smiled. Despite everything that had happened, he was still the most understanding, kindest man she had ever met.

Looking over at the flowers she had thrown, she felt awful. She stood up and walked over to them. Wincing repeatedly, she bent down to pick up the roses that were strewn across the floor.

"Hey, I can do that." Charlie tried to stop her, moving to bend down and help her collect the petals.

"I'm sorry for throwing them." Duffy apologised, wincing again.

"You're in pain. Go sit down!" Charlie ordered and she surprisingly did go sit back on the sofa.

After he had finished arranging the salvageable roses into a vase and making her a cup of tea, Charlie sat back down on the sofa. Duffy leant into him and he stroked her hair. Before long, she had fallen asleep again, safe in his arms once again.


End file.
